the weight of an intention

feathery leaves, intentions and generous offerings of help

i’m interrupting my absence to come here and say: it’s autumn. the leaves have turned. the beginnings of winter are crisping up the remains of a hot sweaty summer. i am resting on the edge of barzakh. this home between the worlds, between the extremeties. this bare space between parentheses.

and yesterday, when the afternoon filled my home with golden light, i pretended to be a ballerina and twirl like a girl in taffeta skirt without a care in the world. sometimes i am a leaf, i know you might not believe it, but it’s true. over time, i’ll show you that sometimes it is true. maybe not today though.

anyway, the summer passed with large oversized suitcases being lugged up and down rickety wooden steps and grimy train stations. a full-size heavy yoga mat (twice unrolled) ate into my allowance of twenty-three kilos. this my friends, is how i carried the weight of a single intention. and then, as if by law of attraction, a number of other intentions joined in and i ended up at the epicenter of a large home decluttering adventure. or apocalypse.

‘why is everything outside of the cupboards?’ - he asked while scratching his head, avoiding very direct eye contact with me.

‘my life. this is my life all around me’ - whispered this pretend ballerina.

‘um, okay. but i feel like we do this very often. can we maybe put it on the calendar for every four months?’ - says the confused partner surveying the landscape of ‘my life’ across the home we share.

i do the quick maths in my head, every four months sounds delicious and so i accept, ‘sure, and will you help me every four months?’

‘yes.’

and that’s all i needed to hear.

here’s to me, you and autumn. and to all the intentions we cradle as our skirts lift in the twirl and the buttery light fills our homes.

p.s. take a listen to my autumn playlist as the season unfolds / i welcome your suggestions!